I Love You
by Cindy aka SG1PhileShipper
Summary: Scully summarizes her true feelings for Mulder


Date: October 16th 1998  
By: Cindy   
Title: I Love You  
  
  
Disclaimer: Do we have to go through this again? Oh well, since they don't belong to me, I'll better get used to it. Mulder, Scully and the x-files gang belong to Chris Carter, 1013 and the Fox Network. I'm only using them for fun and I promise to return them after I'm finished playing with them. Please don't sue me; I'm only a crazy brain. No infringement is intended and all you'd get out of me is... nothing. I don't have anything, unless my twisted sick little mind counts....  
  
Classification: S/R/Scully Pov  
  
Rating: Oh well, I'll give it a G for once. Don't understand anything about that rating anyway.  
  
Summary: Scully summarizes her true feelings for Mulder.  
  
Keywords: Sort of MSR, although no kissing is involved.  
  
Dedication: I dedicate this story to two friends of mine who'll listen to me complaining every day. They're the best friends anyone can wish for. So, this one is for Linda and Sophie. And I can't forget a little guy named Maxime... he's much to young to read or even speak. And he's way too young to understand English.  
  
Feedback: If my story is worth wasting your time sending an email, let me know. Flames and good comment are extremely welcome.  
  
Author's note: Sorry about such a long intro, but I feel like writing today.   
  
And let's get the mushy sappy story on the road...  
  
  
I Love You  
  
He really is something. A prince charming. Maybe not to others, but to me he is. Not that he knows something about it. We talk a lot with each other that are true. We are even good friends. But that's it. Nothing more, nothing less. Fox Mulder is a dream to me. Something you dream about and keep enjoying, but you know you will never get. Meaning more as a friend and a colleague of course. Even outside work we spend a lot of time together. But I don't know we would still see each other, if we didn't work together. But I don't think Mulder would mind. He is so consumed by his chase after Samantha, that nothing else matters to him. Sometimes I even think he would be glad to get rid of me.  
  
Confused, that's the feeling that comes alive in me. I don't know where I'm standing and socializing is becoming impossible to me. I can only think about Mulder and it is hurting. Sometimes I fall asleep crying. And if there's one person who can dry my tears, it is Mulder. There's no one but me in this confused world. I'm floating on a boat and drifting further and further from the shore. There's no way to go back. I have to use my own strength to get back. With only the support of my mother.  
  
My mother is also my best friend. She's the only one who knows how I feel about Mulder. She listens to my complains and supports me when it gets to rough on me. I'll be thankful forever. But I don't think even she knows how I really feel about Mulder. Because one thing is for sure: I would give my life for him. And if something would happen to him, a part of me would die. Mulder is the only one who makes me feel happy and complete. Sure, I have a lot to be happy. But everything would be different if he was not around. He makes everything perfect. If only he knew how he makes me feel. With him I feel like I'm perfect.  
  
I remember exactly how it all started. We hadn't been working together for long, when I dropped some papers in the hall. He was immediately by my side to help me pick them up. And the unbelievable had happened. I had lost my heart. My blood was boiling and my stomach was going crazy. It felt like I had a thousand butterflies in my stomach. It wasn't exactly love at first sight, but almost that. Now I know how it feels to be in love. It's the most beautiful feeling in the world, but it can also be the most painful. Especially when it comes from one side. It is a feeling that you can't let go.  
  
My mother would of course say the opposite. She always tells me Mulder feels something for me too. She says she can feel it and see it on the way we act around each other. When we are together, she feels more than friendship. She should start a dating bureau, that's what. But she can tell me a thousand times he feels something for me too, I'll never believe her. Why should he? He has so much to give and I have nothing that can make him happy. Unless my undying love counts....  
  
I even wrote him a letter, because I had to get rid of my feelings. I hadn't seen him in a couple of days and I thought I had forgotten him. Oh boy, was I wrong. I even love him more than before. How stupid it may sound, I am nervous to see him back after the weekend. How will he react? Will I be able to put on my professional face again? I hope so, because I couldn't deal with it if he found out how I feel. It would be humiliating. I don't wanna act like a teenager. I know I am an adult, but I don't know if I can handle the adult world. So I keep reading the letter over and over again:  
  
  
  
Dear Mulder,  
  
It's funny to write to you, since you'll never get it or even read it. But I had to write it to get rid of those tremendous feelings you bring alive in me. You may even laugh about it, but I don't care. I know how I feel about you and nothing will ever change that. You made me feel a whole person. Around you I can be who I really am. I don't need to act different from who I really am. And it feels fantastic to be able to be like that around a guy. Mostly guys are insensitive bastards, but that's not the case with you.   
  
We have been working together for almost six years now and I never gave you a hint about how I feel. But I didn't realize how strong these feelings were, until I started missing you when you were not around. I never have been someone of many words and we are so close that I can't tell you everything. I'm sure you must already know how I feel about you. But I never showed it. Because I don't know if you love me too. Sure, I care about you a lot, but I also love you. In my heart and soul you will always be alive.   
  
A friend once told me that the line between friendship and love is thin. I never believed him until now. And I can't cross that line. In a way I already have, by thinking of you as more than a friend. I suppose being close partners holds that risk. But in way we have both crossed that line. What we have goes beyond friendship. But it's not love yet. By that I mean true love. In those six years we have established some connection. And when you look at me with those hazel eyes, I feel I'm alive.   
  
It's hard to say what you bring alive in me. I love you for what you are and who you are. I love your friendship, I love your so rare smile, and I adore the little boy you still remain. You are my secret lover. I secretly think about our first kiss and how gentle it would be. But then I realize that will never happen.  
  
Here I am trying to say how you really make me feel, but it's impossible. There are not words enough to do so. What I feel for you goes beyond words. It goes beyond anything you can imagine. I hope some day you will realize that and close this empty space in my heart.  
  
I love you Mulder and I always will. I hope I will find the courage to tell you so some day. If dreams could come true...  
  
  
Love,  
  
Dana.  
  
  
X X X X X X X X X X  
  
  
  
I don't know what the future will bring me. But I hope with my whole heart that you will be a part of this future. That's why I keep listing to the same song over and over again:  
  
I must be crazy now  
Maybe I dream too much  
But when I think of you  
I long to feel your touch  
To whisper in your ear  
Words that are old as time  
Words only you would hear  
If only you were mine  
I wish I could go back to the very first day I saw you  
Should have made my move when you looked in my eyes  
Cause by now I'd know that you'd feel the way that I do   
And I'd whisper those words, as you'd lie here by my side  
  
I love you; please say you love me too  
These three words, they could change our lives forever  
And I promise you that we will always be together  
Till the end of time  
  
So today I finally find  
The courage deep inside  
Just to walk right up to your door  
But my body can't move  
When I finally get to  
Just like a thousand times before  
Then without a word he handed me this letter  
Read I hope this finds the way into your heart  
  
It said: I love you; please say you love me too  
These three words, they could change our lives forever  
And I promise you that we will always be together   
Till the end of time  
  
Well maybe I, I need a little love  
Well maybe I, I need a little care  
And maybe I, and maybe you, you need someone just to hold you  
If you do, just reach out  
And I'll be there  
  
I love you; please say you love me too  
These three words, they could change our lives forever  
And I promise you that we will always be together  
  
I love you; please say you love me too  
Till the end of time  
  
Together forever  
I love you  
  
I guess now I really understand how I feel. And I realize I am waiting for Mulder to make the first move. But maybe he loves he's and me as scared as me to make the first move. I never thought about it like that. If only I could think of a way to bring our two souls together. Loves me, loves me not? I guess that's the real issue here. And until that question is answered? I won't be able to find peace with myself...  
  
  
THE END.  
  
So, what do ya think? Let me know at cindyvandenplas@hotmail.com.   
  
Oh by the way, the song "I love you" belongs to the fabulous Celine Dion, whom I am a great fan of. No infringement is intended. Please don't sue me; I am just a huge fan showing her gratitude towards Celine for her great music. 


End file.
